Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize