why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
