this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
