he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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