you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
