I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
