are you still at the devil's house?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
