No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
