I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
