Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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