how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
