your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
