guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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