all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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