surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
