He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
