I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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