just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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