idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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