Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
