you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize