The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
