I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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