this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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