worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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