It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
