I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
