How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
