PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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