Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
