His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
