i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
