I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
