i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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