You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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