there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
