i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my poor anus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
