Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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