Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
