i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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