I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
