saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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