if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize