people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
