yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry about my life...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
