he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
