trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
