Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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