I'm jealous of your bromance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
