Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
