Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
