I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
