I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
