Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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