hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
