The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
