omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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