Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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