My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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