y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
