I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
