Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
