im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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